


joy is your sorrow unmasked

by Hexim



Category: The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Adoption, Bullying, Family Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Character Death, Thorin's A+ Parenting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-23
Updated: 2013-02-23
Packaged: 2017-12-03 08:54:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/696516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hexim/pseuds/Hexim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Modern AU. </p><p>Thorin learns that his sister has died and that the nephews he didn't know about before are at an orphanage. Taking them in was probably the best and most troublesome decision he's ever made.</p>
            </blockquote>





	joy is your sorrow unmasked

Thorin only learns about his sister's death months after she's been buried. The voice on the other end of the line seems to fade into his background and Thorin pulls off his glasses so he won't dirty them when the grief will ultimately come. Until it takes him, however, he pinches the bridge of his nose and tries to focus back on the voice droning on.

 

“--and that's why we called you, Mister Oakenshield. I know that you live in England and that you've never met the boys but you are the only blood relatives they have left.”

 

The voice sounds crisp, firm and professional. Thorin knows that tone, it is the same one he uses to deliver bad news and knows he'll only get disbelief and disapproval in return. From the weary edge to it and the way the woman speaks, Thorin assumes she has been working the same job for years now and has lost any early optimism.

 

He can't blame her.

 

“I'm sorry, I didn't catch much after you told me about my sister's death. Could you repeat yourself?” Thorin makes sure his voice is controlled even though it sounds rough, even to his own edges. He just hopes the woman won't put on a pitying, comforting tone. Then he would have to fly over to the States just to strangle her.

 

“You have nephews, Mister Oakenshield,” the woman repeats and for a split second, Thorin's world turns into glass. “Two of them. We've found somewhere to stay for them while we were still looking for relatives. I visited them a handful of days ago and... They simply do not fit into the life in an orphanage. They rebel and cause all sorts of trouble, they disrupt routine and don't listen to their caretakers. There were talks about separating them and putting them into foster families before I discovered your existence, Sir.”

 

Thorin pinched the bridge of his nose until it actually hurt. His nephews. His sister's sons and the good for nothing man she'd went to the States for, abandoning her position in her family and the life she'd led in England.

 

Two children who he didn't know. Two children who he had never met before, who could easily grow up in the States and fight their way through life there.

 

He wondered what they looked like. Did they both have their family's dark hair? Or rather the reddish golden tone or their father? Would they have Dis' fierce grin and her gentle heart? Perhaps the stockier frames that had always been part of their line?

 

How would he even take care of them? He was marching towards his forties, he'd never married or taken care of any children and he had a job to do which took up most of his day. He had money put on the side for extravagances he'd never be able to bring himself to buy.

 

And he had two spare rooms opposite of his own bedroom, filled to the ceiling with books and dust and the toys he had played with with his brother and sister. And he had empty weekends that he spent either at the Gym or glaring at his walls.

 

“...I will take your silence as sign that you don't want to take them in. Thank you for your time, Mister Oakenshield. I--”

 

“When do you want me to be there?” Thorin wasn't unkind but his tone was gruff and impatient. He didn't like people who assumed.

 

“I'm sorry?”

 

“I said 'When do you want me to be there?'”

 

Stunned silence answered him for a while but when the woman spoke up again, his voice was filled with warmth.

 

“Would you be able to catch a flight so you'd be here next Tuesday?”

 

Thorin is.

 

And he does.

 

\---

 

When Fili had found his mother dangling from the ceiling, his grin had frozen up and he'd closed his heart off tight, proceeding to prevent Kili from entering the room. He'd sent him to wash his hands and to put his coat away and go upstairs to pick out the toys he'd wanted to play with.

 

Kili had been stubbornly glaring at Fili until he mentioned his toys, then he'd gleefully run into their room and Fili had called the police.

 

There had been so many people in their house afterward. The last time so many people had been there had been after their father had died in a work-related accident.

 

They police officers had tried to be quiet and hushed up whenever he or Kili looked at them but Fili caught on anyway. That their Ma hadn't been quite right after their Da had died. That she had struggled to feed them all and to pay the rent. Their tone spoke of disdain and Fili wanted to snarl at them all and tell them that their mother had always tucked them in at night and read them stories and made sure that Kili knew his ABCs and that Fili did his homework. She had not, as one loud and gaunt-faced officer had implied, been neglectful nor abusive.

 

But with Kili pressed against his side, sucking on his thumb and watching the proceedings with muted horror, Fili had refrained from doing setting the officer straight.

 

Then they'd been sent to the orphanage.

 

The first day, the other children had made it clear that they were not wanted and that no one wanted to be their friend. They'd stolen their covers at night and laughed when they found Kili sleeping in his brother's bed.

 

Numbly, Fili had realized that they were like the mice their neighbour used to keep. They'd gotten so many babies that the parents had eaten them. Eaten them because they were weaker and because they took up space.

 

Fili had been there once, when a mouse had eaten her child. He didn't want Kili to end up like the small mouse.

 

He hadn't been able to keep them all from bullying Kili. They had pulled at his long, dark hair and taunted him until he'd cried and lashed out, stolen his things until he came to Fili, tears in his eyes and his bottom lip wobbling.

 

And without hesitation, Fili had punched the other children, biting and snarling and kicking until they'd been pulled apart. He'd sat in time out corner for half an hour, nose smeared with blood and with his cheek stinging painfully. Kili had sneaked over after a while and shared his apple with him until one of the caretakers had found them and whisked Kili away to let Fili suffer his punishment alone.

 

He'd hoped the other children would leave them alone after but the had only been delighted by his reaction and proceeded to make their lives miserable.

 

By the time the lady who had dropped them off at the orphanage and who had visited them before came by again to introduce their uncle, Fili had found his image in the mirror hard-eyed and with smudges under his eyes. It had hurt to try and put on a smile so he simply hadn't.

 

Kili would be able to smile for their only relative and that had to do.

 

\---

 

Thorin looks down at the boys that are his sister's children and wonders if it was the right decision to have come here. He is right about the fact that the younger looks like his sister, his hair dark and his equally dark eyes looking at Thorin inquisitively until he's caught staring. Then he lowers his gaze and hides behind his brother. The elder looks more like his father, with the reddish golden hair and the light eyes. But his nose is Frerin's and it makes Thorin's heart ache.

 

They're both dressed in clothes that are too big and they act a little bit like cats that have gone feral.

 

Thorin can't find it in his heart to blame him.

 

He learns that they are eight and four, that they've been here for three months and that they're not nearly as troublesome as the woman ( _Misses Pumpkin_ , she had introduced herself as. Thorin had never heard a more fitting last name.) had described. They are polite when spoken to, but distant. Thorin can see the remnants of a bruise on Fili's cheek and the way Kili clings to his elder brother.

 

He's not allowed to take them out for ice-cream or anything that children might consider fun but Thorin's content to be given a room and the time to speak with them both.

 

Kili warms up to him rather quickly, asking question after question and barely sitting still. It doesn't take long for a smile to break out on his face and to explain at length what they'd been learning at kindergarten before everything had gone downhill.

 

Fili is somewhat more reserved, staring at him with eyes which speak of recently attained maturity and cautiousness. He smiles only once, hesitantly, and it's directed at his brother. He answers Thorin's questions dutifully, in a voice that is too calm and controlled for a kid his age. Thorin knows he himself was mature as a child but he had more outbursts of temper than he would like to remember.

 

Thorin looks at them both and sees his sister in them, reads how the orphanage has treated them between the lines and makes a decision.

 

When he asks the boys if they would like to move in with him, Kili nods enthusiastically and finally pulls his thumb out of his mouth and the shadow on Fili's face lifts.

 

It's all Thorin needs as reassurance that he's doing the right thing.

 

\---

 

Thorin spends too much time signing papers for the next few weeks, speaking to his lawyer and then signing more papers. He calls Dwalin and asks him to come pick them up from the airport and when the three of them stumble onto British soil, Dwalin takes one look at the children who are bright eyed from the flight and taciturn from the lack of sleep. Thorin's friend takes one look at them all and shakes his head.

 

The first night, Thorin gives them his bed and sleeps on the couch which leaves him with a terribly aching back and a crick in his neck. But when he checks on the boys, both are still fast asleep, curled around each other like cats.

 

It's then Thorin knows he's made the right decision.

 

He barely remembers what he used to have for breakfast when he was younger and he doubts he can feed the children coffee. Anything he has in his fridge has long gone bad from his stay in the States so Thorin leaves to buy everything he'll need to get them through the day.

 

When he returns home, he finds Kili balancing on Fili's shoulders as they look into the kitchen's cupboards. They both give him wide-eyed looks and a stern glare has Fili helping his brother from his shoulders. Kili looks less rebellious than his brother but both have enough sense to look ashamed.

 

Thorin clears his throat and sets the groceries down on the table.

 

“There are a few rules you should know about.” He's heard from Balin (who has heard from Bifur who knows Dori, who is raising a much younger brother) that children need guidelines. He hopes the children will accept them without much of a fuss.

 

“Breakfast is at seven and I expect you to be here on time. The cupboards are off limits until you're tall enough to reach them on your own unless I am around. Until I've found a school for you, you may play in the living room while I'm working. If I'm in my office, knock on the door before entering the room. The books and instruments in the living room are not to be touched and you'll have to ask me before watching TV.”

 

The children's faces grow long and stony and Thorin fears he may have made a mistake.

 

“...We'll have lunch at one o'clock and then tea at four. If you're hungry after that, we'll have a light snack at six and then you'll go to bed. Am I understood?”

 

Fili is jutting out his chin in a way that promises nothing good and Kili is glowering at him.

 

“Y'didn't even say please!”

 

Thorin gives his younger nephew a stunned look and raises an eyebrow before pausing. Dis had always been very keen on manners, at least while strangers were around, and she had probably managed to instill the same ideals in her children.

 

“You are right. Will you please listen to the rules?”

 

That seems to satisfy Kili and he nods. Fili looks less convinced but nods as well.

 

All in all, Thorin decides as he starts to unpack the groceries, it could have gone worse.

 

\---

 

The truth is, it does get worse. Even though Thorin takes them both shopping for clothes and separate toys as well as some much needed furniture, the boys swap everything around. Thorin's taken to taking a marker to their toys and some of their clothes, carefully writing a K on Kili's things and an F on Fili's.

 

And while the boys are polite and well-mannered, they eat as if they have never seen a fork and knife before. They use their hands and they get spaghetti sauce absolutely everywhere. It's such a mess that Thorin quietly vows to only have them eat spaghetti again when they turn eighteen.

 

They track mud all over the house and make messes in little corners and once, Thorin finds them hiding away snacks in Fili's cupboard.

 

He finds himself at wit's end several times and when the boys fall asleep (either in Fili's or Kili's bed but never separate), Thorin often finds himself calling Dori. They discuss and talk and more often than not, Thorin feels less comforted and more scolded but always more knowledgeable.

 

He revises the rules and the boys get their own little shelf of books in the living room and under Thorin's watchful gaze, the are allowed to play with his harp and with the fiddle. He's rewarded for this by them helping him in the garden, pulling out weeds and laughing when the dirt sprays their hands and bare feet.

 

Three weeks after they've moved in, Kili shyly calls Thorin 'uncle' and beams when Thorin gives him an affectionate smile in return.

 

Fili is a little more difficult and Thorin quietly despairs. He inherited Dis' temper, Thorin can see it now. His sister was always pleasant but a little weary of the unknown, calculating and assessing until she had been satisfied.

 

Thorin knows he's being tested when Fili snarls and refuses to help Thorin gather the dishes. Thorin smooths his face carefully and lets the anger bounce off him until Fili's chest is heaving and his cheeks are red from anger and from shouting. Kili is watching the spectacle with wide eyes.

 

He gives his elder nephew time to collect himself before asking him to get ready for their nap. He knows Fili doesn't nap anymore but he always keeps his brother company so he's honestly surprised when he finds Fili quietly asking him if he can wipe down the counters a few minutes after the children had disappeared upstairs.

 

Thorin takes it as a sign.

 

\---

 

The days start to blur together a bit but they manage to settle into a routine once Thorin finds a kindergarten for Kili and a good school for Fili. They're both a little bit behind due to the different school systems and the weeks spent at home with Thorin and getting settled but the boys are both bright.

 

The first time Fili asks him for help with his homework, Thorin feels as if he's won a war.

 

He takes the boys out to play in the park and when he notices them eying the ice-cream stand longingly, he leads them over and lets them pick out whichever flavors they want. Soon their little faces are smeared with ice-cream but Thorin honestly doesn't care because both of his nephews are smiling brightly at him and clinging to his hands. Kili is chattering away a mile a minute with Fili throwing in occasional comments. They both laugh when Thorin, wearing the most serious expression he can muster, gravely informs them that it seems that the ice-cream had made his nephews too talkative and they really shouldn't do it again.

 

They return to the stand the very next day and this time, Thorin indulged in some ice-cream as well.

 

In the end, the quiet comfort is what sends Fili crashing down.

 

They're lying on Thorin's bed, the boy's curled up on either side of him, listening to him read out the story of the brave warrior princess who ran off with a ranger and find their happily ever after. By the time he's finished, Kili's drowsiness has gotten the better of him and he's fast asleep. Thorin carefully curls an arm around his nephew and smiles.

 

When he turns to check on Fili, he finds the boy staring up at the ceiling, tears swimming in his eyes. He makes a choked noise when he notices Thorin watching him and rubs at his eyes, blinking furiously to get rid of all the tears, to stop himself from showing weakness.

 

Thorin lightly places his hand on Fili's head, on the reddish golden hair that he used to dislike so much (He's heard stories from the boys, about how their father had played with them and laughed with them and spent the evenings dancing with their mother when their parents had thought them asleep. Thorin can't hate the man anymore, not when he made his sister and children so happy) and Fili sobs, loudly, and buries his face in Thorin's side.

 

The small shoulders are shaking and Fili only keeps himself quiet for Kili's sake but Thorin knows that the stress, the insecurities are breaking through Fili's walls.

 

Quietly, he gets up from the bed and picks Fili up, wordlessly carrying him out of the room. He doesn't believe in babbling the comforting nonsense that Dori's little brother seems to be so fond of. Instead, he runs a hand down Fili's back and presses a cheek against the side of his head. The arms wrapped around Thorin's neck grow slacker the less Fili sobs and finally, the young boy pulls back.

 

His eyes are red-rimmed and his cheeks splotchy and there's a spot on Thorin's shoulder that is wet and snotty. But Fili is not studying him in that calculating way anymore and it makes Thorin's heart pound too loudly.

 

“Thank you, uncle.”

 

Fili gives him a shaky, watery smiles and Thorin finds himself returning it.

**Author's Note:**

> “Your joy is your sorrow unmasked. And the selfsame well from which your laughter rises was oftentimes filled with your tears.” - 'On joy and sorrow'. Khalil Gibran


End file.
